It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
