apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
