You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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