i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
