I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
