I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
