why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
