Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
