he thought i was a dude.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
