I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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