Betty ford says i'm here all night
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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