its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
