Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
