The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
