is your mom at the bar?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
