I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
