What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
