btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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