Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
