oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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