your thong is hanging out like whoa
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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