We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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