I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
