dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
