So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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