is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
