I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
