Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
