You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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