so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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