Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
