i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
