Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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