this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
