Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
