you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
