I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
