Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Randomize
