apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
