We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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