You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
