fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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