im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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