You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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