You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I am mentally ready for anal.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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