i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Also, beer. Big fan.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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