how can u be prego again
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
