But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
