It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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