My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I want to be your penis for a week.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
