I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
