so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
