Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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