i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
