I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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