Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
