So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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