The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
