where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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