isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
